A matter of life and death
by Prue Halliwell Snape
Summary: Andrew has always been the perfect angel, but this time he's willing to stay on earth


A matter of life and death  
  
Sam was working as a doctor at a hospital, an old lady had collapse, suddenly a young woman came to Sam.  
  
"Excuse me , doctor, Could you please inform me about Mrs Wyatt?" The woman looked really anguished  
  
Sam looked at her with such compassion, somehow she was his assignment "Are you a relative of her?" He asked her with a soft tone  
  
"She's my grandmother, I'm Zoë Caldwell, her only relative, Is she okay?"  
  
She is , but not for a long time" Sam turned very serious " She needs the special care of someone, she cannot spend the day alone anymore"  
  
Zoë turned sad, San looked at her, she was so young, She said as an apology  
  
"I had to work all day to pay the bills, and I barely survive, we can't afford a nurse"  
  
Sam held her hand and said "Don't worry, we will find the way, now go home your grandmother and you need to rest, Cancer is a condition that damage the whole family.  
  
Zoë and her grandmother went home, she gave her grandmother her pills and went to bed, on the next morning the doorbell rang, Zoë opened the door and saw a beautiful man, his blond hair was shinning bright with the sun effect, she was speech less  
  
"I'm Andrew, I 'm the new nurse for Mrs Wyatt" Andrew smiled at the young woman  
  
"But I told the doctor we can't afford it" Zoë argued, but the angel ignore the comment and came in, his mission was to spend with Penny Wyatt her last days  
  
Once he entered he said "I'm volunteer, only need a place to stay, and of course I'm willing to take care of her day and night," he went right to Penny who was sitting on a couch, very pale, he held her hand and with some kind of Shakespeare tone he said to her  
  
"Please my lady, allow me to guide you and cherish you . I'll be loyal and gentle" Then he kissed her hand  
  
Penny and Zoë smiled and agreed to let him stay.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Several days passed, Penny would die but not immediately . Andrew and her spent the mornings chatting and cooking, Zoë went home until night, they had dinner and then Zoë used to chat a couple of hours with her grandmother, when Penny went to bed, Almost every night Zoë studied , Andrew used to look at her amazed, the more days passed, the more he admired her, so hard worker , so tired less , One night, when he saw Penny was sleeping fine, he went to the kitchen and made a jar of coffee, then he went to the dinning room where Zoë was studying , he told her  
  
"A good friend of mine who loves coffee taught me to prepare a delicious one, want to try?"  
  
"yeah, thanks" Zoë smiled. Andrew looked at her She was pretty young, under 25, brunette a little hippie, her hair was long and dark, she smelled like fruit, her smile was tender, she made him feel charmed  
  
What's your major?" He finally asked  
  
"Archaeology, not exactly a business that can pay your bills at first" She laughed, "but right now I'm taking a philosophy course "  
  
"Philosophy? Interesting, you care about the biggest issues!" Andrew was gladly surprised, he took this chance to get to know this mortal better "And your essay is about...?"  
  
"Destiny versus free will " answered Zöe  
  
"What? do you believe in destiny? Or you don't?"  
  
"Actually, Andrew, is a little long and complicated...."  
  
Andrew felt a challenge tone in Zoe's voice, he accepted it "The night is long, and we both live here"  
  
Zoe smiled and continue with a cheeky look in her eyes "I think Faith is some kind of innate part of our consciousness , we know God exist doesn't matter how you call him, and we know how mighty and powerful he is..."  
  
So far Andrew was glad, just to know that a young girl can have those thoughts was glad and refreshing, he asked her to continue  
  
"And God gave us free will, but he wants us to do the right, so destiny is divided in two parts: The first part is God's work, and no human can control it, he gave us chances, test moments of decision that's the part we can control"  
  
Andrew smiled and with a tender voice he said "for example, God sent me here ..."  
  
"Yeah" Zoe continued "... and I had the choice to take you or not" She grabbed Andrew's hand between hers "I'm glad I chose you" she said and softly kissed his hand, Andrew felt something he never felt before, he was happy, but also had the incredible desire , more exactly the need to hold her tight, to tell her how glad he was to be there, how much he enjoy the time they spend together, how much he like her voice, her smile... but he didn't, he only blushed and said  
  
"thank you, I'm glad you chose me too and I like to stay here" Penny called him, when he came back Zoe felt asleep; he held her in her arms, took her to bed, took off her shoes cover her with blankets and gave her a soft kiss in her forehead, he looked at her, she was so tender, so innocent, so sweet... he started to pray for her  
  
"Father, you chose the perfect name for this girl, she's life itself, and I want to thank you. Thank you for created her, but specially thank you for let me know her, somehow she changed me, she taught me important things about life that I couldn't learn in all these years, she taught me not to give up, she taught me that humans can adjust, can do incredible things, and that they can live in you without being a case. Please father... protect her, I know how much you love her, and I know you won't leave her, but help her with the pain that comes to her, give her all the wisdom she's going to need, I beg you, don't let her suffer more than she needs in order to learn...."  
  
He left the room trying not to wake her up.  
  
Penny's health went worse, and Zoe was laying on Andrew, he was willing to protect her, to cherish her, there were moments when he forgot who he was, and promised her Penny would live, just to talk about life in heaven in order to correct the phrase and don't break Zoe's heart. One night when both women were sleeping, Andrew went to the kitchen, on the way back took a look at Zoe, kissed her forehead, as he used to since the night he prayed, the moon was lightning her face... But the voice of the Father told Andrew it was time for Penny to move on "Now?!" The Father was clear, he had to go now because he had to be back at sun raise , with Zoe. Andrew went to Penny's bedroom, the morphine was loosing the effect and she had terrible pain. Andrew took her hand and the revelation started  
  
"Andrew thank God you're here, my pain is killing me" Penny said to her nurse, Andrew began to shine, to appear himself as an angel  
  
"It's okay Penny, it's time to go home" He retorted and took her hand  
  
Penny understood it immediately she smiled and told him "The pain is gone, but what about Zoe?"  
  
"Don't worry about her, she'll be fine I promise, let's go"...  
  
Chapter three  
  
Andrew came back before Zoe woke up, she was sleeping peacefully, she woke and saw Andrew at the corner of the bed, he was smiling, but ...  
  
Zoe looked at him he scared her  
  
"Andrew, Is something wrong with my grandmother?" She noticed Andrew's eyes looking at her in a special way, not quite precise  
  
The Angel of death didn't know what to say, it wasn't the first time he had to deal with the pain of the lost that death causes , however, this time he didn't feel exactly able to face it, he took Zoe's hands  
  
"The most important thing is that her pain is gone forever, my child, she's happy now and she won't feel that again" was the only words his heart could say.  
  
Zoe went to her grandmother's bedroom, she found her body a little cold, but a peaceful expression on her face. She didn't cry, she began to prepare the funeral. Andrew knew his work was over but he pretended that wasn't true, he became the guardian angel of Zoe and stood with her every step of the way, the funeral services, the burial, the church services, and every night he made her a nice cup of tea and talk until she felt asleep, however, she never said anything about her lost, it was like if that never happened, Andrew was concerned about it.  
  
One night she felt asleep in the couch Andrew took her to bed but this time he didn't just kiss her forehead, he held her tight and literally slept with her all night, at sunrise Tess appeared and woke him up  
  
"What you thing you're doing, angel boy? You should be in your next case now and you're still here... sleeping with a mortal?!" The supervisor angel was worried, she knew that Andrew was the most responsible angel  
  
"My job isn't finish Tess, I must help her to move on" Andrew tried to justify his presence "She hasn't cried, she's in denial"  
  
"Of course she is but that's not your job, you're the Angel of Death not a social worker remember?, this woman has an angel but that's not you"  
  
"And why can't it be me?" Andrew was loosing control "I already know her, we made contact I should be the one to help her, I WANT TO BE HER ANGEL!" He yelled with an angry voice at Tess, she was surprised but tried not to loose her mind  
  
"So you want me to go with the Mighty, The Alpha/Omega The Great I AM and tell him that one of his angels doesn't want to follow his plan? What's wrong with you?"  
  
"I.... I don't know" Andrew finally soothed his voice "I'm sorry Tess , It's just that I never saw a woman like her, she's so smart, so brave, so beautiful...  
  
"So beautiful?, Now you're worrying me, every creature is beautiful and you know that" Tess was beginning to understand  
  
"Yes, I know but she's special, she .... made me want to be mortal, she's in love with life, with knowledge, her spirit is strong, and It's wonderful"  
  
"Baby, what's the matter with you? You never tried to go on strike, you never slept with a case" Tess tried to comfort her favourite male Angel  
  
"I like her, and I want to be as close to her as I can, I love the sound of her voice, I like to see her smile, I like to feel her soft skin.... I feel the need to hold her tight, to breath her I... I can't explain this"  
  
"Cut it off angel boy, otherwise you'll start thinking of sex" Tess saw how Andrew's look went down "You already did?! Oh my God, you felt in love?!?!?! this is bad, you have to come with me now!"  
  
"I'm not going Tess" He said using a soft yet decided tone in his voice "And what I feel is so strong and pure that I shouldn't be ashamed of it"  
  
Zoe woke up, but she wasn't able to see Tess, Andrew used this as an excuse to leave Tess, but she didn't stood there, she talked to her superior. A couple of hours later, Sam came to Andrew  
  
"Do you realise what have you done Andrew?" He asked  
  
"Yes, and I'm willing to face the consequences, but I want to stay here" The angel replied a little afraid  
  
"The Father had spoken, you have to come with me, you know where you're going to don't you? You're taking God out of your life"  
  
"I'm not, I just want to be with Zoe" He was begging now  
  
"That's impossible and you know it Andrew, just remember this is a lesson, and you'll learn it because He loves you so much that he'll let you learn it"  
  
"Can I at least say goodbye to her?" He was really sad  
  
"Go ahead, but don't take long" Chapter four  
  
Zoë was sitting at the dinning room with a picture of her grandmother in her hands, Andrew was behind her, her hair was shinning bright, dark, long... She was there like he fire of a candle, so fragile and yet so strong, he took her by her shoulders and said with the sweetest voice he had  
  
"She loved you so much, she still does"  
  
"And yet she let me... but that's all right after all, her pain was too strong and she waited until I was fine, she knew that I won't be alone because you're here" She sighed, but Andrew didn't know what to say, a soft tear drop his beautiful eyes, Zoë turned to him and understood  
  
"You're leaving right?"  
  
"yes, but not because I want to, it's just that I have work to do..." he said , his eyes showed pain  
  
"But Andrew, you said you needed a place to stay, you can work and yet live here, with me" Zoë beg him, Andrew was broken down inside, but he tried not to show Zoë that  
  
"It's not that simple and you know it... my... my work is with people about to die, and it's a full time job. Plus now I have to go to another place... and learn a lesson"  
  
Zoë perfectly knew she loved him, enough to let him go even if that would break her spirit, she didn't understand why, but she was longing to see him happy, She just held him tight, Andrew was about to loose his mind to fight against his Father and stay with her, never go apart, but then something happen that knocked him out: Zoë kissed his lips, that sensation made him vulnerable and didn't know how to react, She left the house and Andrew disappeared.  
  
A couple of weeks later Zoë began her therapy session with a social worker casually named Monica, that was the angel Tess talked about. Monica didn't know about her friend Andrew been involved with her case, she heard Zoe's talk about how lost she felt, how hard the last years had been for her, almost leaving college, full time job, her grandmother's disease , her death... and of course the lost of the only man she loved so far.  
  
Monica knew she had a revelation to do, but she thought this girl wasn't ready, so she took her hands and tell her  
  
"Look Zoë, I know it's a long way you've been through , but at the end of the tunnel there's light, a bright one in the love of God, he loves you and won't let you, all you have to do is find him, be brave and look for him, he'll lead you home"  
  
Zoë left the office without say a word, Monica said deep things that needed to be thought a lot... She went home and sat down at her couch, she read her essay about Faith and destiny and it remained her what Monica just told her... five minutes of courage and a soft move... so easily... so simple.....  
  
Chapter five  
  
Andrew was sitting in the middle of nothing, not in heaven, just thinking. For many centuries he had worked for the best master, he had see everything, War, epidemics , violations, death of children; and he always had trust his Father, he was proud to be an angel, and he always thought he knew everything about life and death... And suddenly this young girl comes to him and now there he was desperate wanting for be a mortal for the first time, to have job, a family, to be with her , he couldn't denied it, he loved her.... Yet, he was an angel and didn't want to change that Tess went to him  
  
"you know I shouldn't be here, angel boy, but I'm worried about you" She said while took him by his shoulders  
  
"Thanks a lot Tess, but I don't want to cause you any trouble" Andrew retorted  
  
"What is it baby? How can Tess help you?"  
  
"I love her, with the kind of love a man feel for a woman, I can't help it", for the first time Andrew showed weakness, Andrew was feeling all the weight of his human form he never felt before  
  
Tess was very touched by Andrew, she held him and told him  
  
"Well, that's a risk we all have to run: The Father gave us human forms because he wants us to be able to understand humans, and everyone of us has weakness see? Monica is addicted to coffee, I love my car and my dog, Ruth loves basketball, Rafael has a special taste for mexican food... " Andrew smiled, Tess continued "this is the first time you have to face your humanity, all you can do is act like a human who knows his Creator, I know you can do it" She kissed his forehead and let him alone  
  
Andrew understood completely Tess advice, so he started to pray  
  
"Father: you gave me this human form, this human heart to understand them, And each and every day I thank you for it, but I don't know what to do; humans have the chance to stay with those they love, doesn't matter what they might have against , I always admired that, and imagined it's a huge force that can break walls of any kind, but now I felt it for the first time and it's taking control of me it's even bigger than I thought it was, so powerful as you... as you yeah, it's so mighty that I can feel your presence and it's a blessing, the further prove you exist and love humans... but I already know you exist" Andrew took a moment to review what he just said  
  
"I think I know now, it's a gift of life you gave humans no matter how painful it can be and it's a matter of life and death itself, sure it's helpful to do my work, but I still want to be with her, in fact now I love her even more.... Forgive me if I offend you but this is the most pure feeling I ever had, please Father, please...."  
  
Andrew looked around, he wasn't at the limbo anymore, he was at the beginning of the road, he knew it better than any other angel of Death, close to the darkness there was a shadow, a woman, his heart gave him a strong beat  
  
"Zoë?!"  
  
The woman turned to him, she really was Zoë  
  
"Andrew?!"  
  
"What you're doing here?, you shouldn't be" He was afraid, he knew for sure she wasn't at "the list"  
  
"Well, is confused, all I remember is that I was at home, thinking how to find the way Home... and I think I cut my veins.... What you're doing here?"  
  
Andrew almost shocked " You did what?! Oh no! Please no!!" He held her tight and whispered to the Father "Please!!!"  
  
The Father made Andrew know she wasn't dead yet, and that she wouldn't hear the message unless he gives it to her, Andrew began to glow in his angelic self  
  
"Zoë, I'm an angel, the one who escorts people to the other side"  
  
"The angel of death?" Zoë was confused  
  
"The angel of peaceful death, that's why I was with your grandmother, that's why I'm here, but you shouldn't be"  
  
"That why you left me" Now she understood it  
  
"Yeah, I... I didn't want to hurt you, I love you, for the first time , and it almost takes me out of heaven... and sends you to hell; I'm sorry"  
  
"I was already in hell, what's the difference?" she argued  
  
"You weren't in hell, as you told me once God put us in a moment of decision and we both took the wrong choices: You tried to suicide, and I denied myself...and hide you the truth, But he loves you, he loves us, and if we ask him he could help us to work it out" Andrew cherished her face  
  
"You know what your name means, Zoë? It's life in Greek, and that's what he wants for you, we both want, but you almost reject it"  
  
"I... I didn't want to die, I just wanted to be home, to feel again the love I lost, then my social worker told me that I need a moment of courage and..."  
  
"I know and it's not too late, because he wants to give you a second chance, only if you want to take it"  
  
Zoë doubt for a moment " I want to be with you, I love you"  
  
"I love you too, so much that it hurts... so much that I rather stay away from you, or from God than see you at the dark side, please take the right choice, I promise we'll find the way out"  
  
Zoë took his hand "I do, I don't want to see you in pain because of me"  
  
They both smiled and took each other's hands. Zoë woke up at a hospital, the same Doctor Sam was beside her.  
  
"We almost loose you , miss. It's good to have you back"  
  
"thanks it's good to be back" She replied  
  
"I heard you learned an important lesson" Sam said and smiled at her "Also you taught another to a friend of mine"  
  
Zoë was amazed "Wait a minute that means you are..."  
  
"Yes, and I got you another message" Sam became close to her and whispered "There's no life without death"  
  
Zoë looked at the other side of the window, Andrew was there with some flowers in his hand, he sent her a kiss. It 'll become hard sometimes but faith will work it out..... 


End file.
